Christmas With KUnit
by DreamCloud704
Summary: Christmas was a time for family and friends, turkey, presents and those little moments that make you smile. Not SAS Soldiers, burnt cooking, bad language and moments that made you wish Scopia was on speed dial...
1. Chapter 1: Meet The Housekeeper

**Title: Christmas With K-Unit **

**Rating: T **

**Summary: Christmas was a time for family and friends, turkey, presents and those little moments that make you smile. Not SAS Soldiers, burnt cooking, bad language and moments that made you wish Scopia was on speed dial... **

Ah so it's been a while, yeah I felt guilty... So I did some thinking (and some digging) and I found this little story... So please enjoy.

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Christmas - the annual festival of the Christian church commemorating the birth of Jesus: celebrated on December 25 and now generally observed as a legal holiday and an occasion for exchanging gifts.

That was what it meant according to the mighty , why he was currently searching for such a thing he would never know. But it was also a time meant for family and friends right? Well not if you were Alex Rider, who had become an icon for being exception to many rules, as for the family bit he could have turned round and said what family?

After all his parent were gone, killed off by his own godfather Ash, who was now also terminated, which had surprisingly upset him more than he would have thought it would (him murdering his parents and all). Ian, his uncle, the only sort of role model/father figure he had really ever had was gone ironically shot by his dads so called best mate from assassination school, who turned out to save his life on some policy that he never killed kids and from the fact that he owed his dad a favour for saving his life. The whole thing was so messed up, but he ended up being looked after by his American housekeeper, who was now refusing to cook a Christmas dinner.

But aside from the messed up movie like life he lead, Alex had come to realise that this would be his first Christmas without Ian, not that he had been here for many anyway; but the thought still left him slightly cold and lacking the feeling in his fingers weirdly enough. It had only seemed like yesterday that he had been standing at his funeral to say his "goodbyes" to the man who had done his best to raise him to be a half decent person, he wondered what he would say to him now.

After all it couldn't have been his dream for Alex to end up behind the barrel of a gun, being half responsible for the deaths of many people and in and out of hospital more than 60 year old diabetic. Also there was the fact that his uncle's ex-employer was the sole reason for this. However it had been made clear that Ian was aware of the fact that, should he unexpectedly die on the job, MI6 could take no responsibility for their downright greediness and would but of course snap Alex up for recruitment.

Yet here he was fresh out of school for the holidays, though it hadn't been your average school; no he had just got back from another mission. Well on holiday from that mission anyway, the most recent disaster/mission had been to infiltrate an all girls school under the identity of Alexis Beckett, it had not been fun. To make it all worse he had had his old unit present at all times making sure no one was about to suddenly take out a gun and shoot his cross dressing ass into next week.

But when Blunt had come to tell him the news of him having around a week off from the place he couldn't have been happier, it was apparently a rule that the girls have around a week at home at Christmas to spend with their family and friends. Jack had of course met him at the airport yesterday and laughed herself stupid when she saw him dressed in the school uniform, the girls from school behind waving him off and one complete SAS/Mi6 unit at his side faithfully. Yes K-Unit had also seen him off and made sure he went home safely Blunt had made sure that they had and when they had left to go God knows where he had immediately got in touch with Alex, via his home phone, to partly debrief him on what he had found out.

So after a good hour of constant ranting in the hall way of his Chelsea home and Alex ending the call by slamming it down on its receiver and ripping out the power cord so as no one even thought to annoy him he had called Tom by mobile and gone to bed without tea seeing as Jack had decided to do the same.

Though when morning had come they had been discussing on what to do for Christmas seeing as it was now the 23rd of December and Jack had had no time to get anything in seeing as she had been worried about Alex for the whole time since he had been gone, which Alex had apologized for, as part of the usual routine when he got back from lord knows where. This had only left one option for the two of them that was if they wanted to actually eat over the so called festive period, it involved Alex having to cook and Jack having to make sure nothing went up in flames and died a fiery death.

But you see that wasn't the problem... Alex didn't mind having to cook, oh no he enjoyed a bit of cooking here and there, sure why not. At least he could cook unlike some people he could name, who just couldn't be bothered *ahem Jack, cough cough Tom*.

The problem was that an hour after said discussion/argument/he was never spending Christmas with Jack again if she was going to be so damn prissy with him, even though he didn't have a second choice of residence, something had arisen...

There had been a knock at the door, and a sudden sense of déjà vu had crept over Alex in the form of shivers. Now being the paranoid teen that he was, he had of course jumped to conclusions and refused to answer the door or even look out of the window to determine who it was who had dared to bother him, at the door.

See this would have worked if Jack had been in, as she could have answered the door and told whoever it was that she was in no mood to deal with them. However said housekeeper in her angry fit of rage had decided to up and abandon him for around 3 hours till she calmed down and as she had put it was in "an ideal state of mind to deal with him".

Sadly this meant Alex himself would have to deal with the stress of handling the situation that a calm and level headed adult would have dealt with it. So he walked down the stairs swiftly making sure to not trip over a pile of washing that had been dumped very inappropriately on the landing, again nearly causing his death. When he reached the bottom of the stairs the knocking had still not ceased something that was beginning to do more than just wind him up. Giving himself a quick glance over in the mirror that hung at the bottom of the stairs he gave his reflection a nod signalling that he was suitable for the public eyes and with as much anger as he could muster flung the door open.

What he saw would give him nightmares for weeks on end...

There stood, very awkwardly may he add, a disgruntled and cold looking K-Unit dressed in a winter get up with scarves included. Eagle was wearing his usual smile and cheery features, Snake had his eyes downcast in a book, Fox was smiling warmly though had a hint of an apologetic look in his eyes once he saw Alex and the look that had began to crawl across his face, and Wolf... Well he look like he would rather be somewhere else.

A moment of utter silence passed, and no where dared to say anything in case Alex erupted into a mad rage and killed them all off, not that Snake looked bothered. After all K-Unit had grown used to Alex's sudden change in behaviour they had been practically living with him after all.

Although the blind rage never came much to everyone's surprise and instead they received a laugh from the small boy.

"Isn't it a little earlier for carol singers?" he asked, he should have expected this after all, it wouldn't have felt right unless something stupid like this had happened. It would have only made him more paranoid waiting for it to happen so he might as well have got it out of the way now.

Although Alex was laughing his head off in a moment of madness. K-Unit on the other hand remained frozen in their awkward silence, most likely waiting for the imamate death or for Alex to turn on heel and slam the reef rimmed door back in their rapidly turning blue faces.

Had Alex gone mad? Or was he just ill. Maybe the fact that he was home and not surrounded by giggling girls was too much of a shock for him and he couldn't cope...

Eagle took it upon himself to pop the question.

"Ar-are you feeling oka-okay?" he stuttered, no need to make Alex go Amityville Horror on him, after all better to be careful then lose his head to a not yet legally old enough to drink teenager.

Alex stopped laughing and smiled casually still holding the door wide open, looking at them again.

"Yeah" he said smiling to them. "So what are you doing here then? Please tell me your only here to give me a quick check up"

Eagle gave a nervous laughed nervously rubbing the back of his head.

"If by quick check up you mean spending the rest of the holidays with you then yep! Best check up ever right?" Eagle chirped brightly.

Alex was still smiling. That wasn't good, why was he smiling about this? They had already discussed and planned this in the car ride here:

They turn up on Alex's doorstep and upon seeing them Alex slams the door in their faces and they have to use the key Blunt had given them to get in.

Then, once they had got inside and located the most likely hormonal problem child (as Blunt commonly refers to him as) they sit him down and explain just what they are doing there.

Alex then explodes and yells, screams and whatever he feels the need to do, storms off and doesn't speak to them till tomorrow. They order Chinese and job done; they don't have to worry about it till the next day.

So much for having this all planned out. Alex had just ruined the plan in 3 seconds flat, and he'd barely said a word to them.

However this could be a thing Wolf thought to himself. This way there would be no screaming and he wouldn't have to go army cadet extreme on Alex, which would mean handling him the same way he had tackled the new recruits back at camp. Good old fashioned Pain and Punishment.

"Excuse me?" Wolfs head shot up as he looked at the boy, he looked... Eerily calm.

"_He's taking this well. Too well" _

Fox had been watching and quite frankly had seen enough. He had multiple choices:

One. Let Wolf deal with this, kiss his job goodbye and find himself witness in a child abuse trial.

Two. Let Eagle explain everything to Alex, kiss his job goodbye and find himself witness in a murder case, or more specifically Eagle's murder case.

Three. Let Snake take charge... That wasn't happening, Snake had brought "Around The World in 80 Days" in hardback with him, there wasn't so much of a shred of chance of him taking charge of anything.

Or Four. He dealt with the situation himself and could safely ensure they would all leave alive and well. There was a chance of dealing with a moody teenager still but he could ensure that everyone would actually _wake up_ in the morning and MI6 would not have to be informed that one of their supposed top agents had finally broke and gone mad.

"Look Alex this isn't our fault, we really didn't mean to come and interrupt you're Christmas, we swear" Fox began glancing at the rest of his unit.

Eagle began nodding furiously, Snake just stood reading still not even so much as glancing up, and Wolf folded his arms and buried his chin into his scarf.

"Cause God forbid we interrupt you" Wolf muttered grumpily giving off a slight shiver, honestly Alex was positive he that he would make a great scrooge when he was older. He could see it now, him sitting in his huge comfy arm chair in front of the roaring fire, coughing up his guts while reaching for a tube pills at the side of him. Telling old war stories to the people who bothered to come visit him.

Oh yeah Alex could see him now.

Looking back to them again, like really _looking_ at them, he realised he couldn't just _leave_ them out here to freeze (as tempting as that was). Though he didn't appreciate Wolf's comment he stepped aside opening the door wider so as to let them in.

"Well you can explain it to me inside, I don't know about you but I'm cold"

Of course Eagle bounded in squealing, instantly asking if Alex had such a substance as hot chocolate.

Now how the hell was he going to explain this to Jack.

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So what do you think? Not too bad right? Do I continue or not?

Dreamcloud.


	2. Chapter 2: Shopping Time!

**Title: Christmas With K-Unit **

**Rating: T **

**Summary: Christmas was a time for family and friends, turkey, presents and those little moments that make you smile. Not SAS Soldiers, burnt cooking, bad language and moments that made you wish Scopia was on speed dial... **

Please enjoy this ones a little longer... Just a bit...

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Christmas - the annual festival of the Christian church commemorating the birth of Jesus: celebrated on December 25 and now generally observed as a legal holiday and an occasion for exchanging gifts.

So if that true, how come his Christmas was going nothing like of its description?

"So, run this past me again. I leave you on your own for what? Ten minutes and you-"

Just for the record, Alex thought to himself it was not 10 minutes but more like 2 hours, seeing as Jack had been in no mood to put up with Alex any longer, or as she had so kindly put it she had not been in "an ideal state of mind to deal with him".

However it seemed she now was.

"- practically _invite_ strangers into the house and make them feel at home! What's worse is that their freaking soldiers from the freaking army!"

"Actually ones from MI6" Alex injected.

"I don't care! He could be from the freaking boy's scouts selling cookies for all I care! This isn't a homeless shelter you know!" she hollered like a true American.

Now K-Unit knew about Jack, Alex had already debriefed them about the woman while on their mission, oh yes they knew all about her. However, when they had been "discussing" what to do while in the car they had thought that the worst of their problems would lie with Cub. They had never thought they would come from a very angry, very fiery, very American redheaded woman. Not that they were knocking her. The woman seemed to have done wonders with Cub.

An anonymous agreement had been meet between them that they would _not_ involve themselves within the argument now taking place over whether or not they would or would not be kicked out onto the streets (even though they believed they had every reason to).

"Yes, but they were sent here! It's not like I rang them up and said "hey come celebrate with us" as if! They'd be lucky to get a bloody Christmas card off me!"

Well thanks Cub! Happy bloody holidays to you too! Wolf thought miserably to himself. Yep things were going smashing so far, they'd made a great impression on the caretaker and the kid, well he was backing their corner excellently.

No really he was.

Snake hadn't left his book since getting here and they were cold and somewhat wet from slipping up Alex's snowy driveway. They hadn't eaten since leaving the apartment they shared, and to make matters worse they could be facing a 4 hours drive back there at this rate. Unless Miss Prissy Pants decided to let them bunk up for the rest of the cheery holidays; the outlook looked very bleak indeed.

"Watch your mouth Alex Rider!" Jack, or so Alex had called her, yelled back with fury.

"Well I can't help it! Why do MI6 cause me so many problems" frustration lashed out through Alex tone as his eyes dropped to the floor glaring at the carpet with fury Wolf had only seen in the eyes of his sergeants and his own reflection of course.

Suddenly Jack fell quiet and she too looked to the ground, her eyes glazing with pain.

"...It's ever since your uncle died" her tone was soft, very soft, feather light and as soon as she had spoken the words her head shot to Alex's now stiff form.

"I'm sorry!" she immediately yelled. "Alex I honestly didn't mean to bring that up, I swear" she said after she received no reply.

"...Its fine" came the gentle reply and Alex turned to K-Unit. "If you're staying you're sleeping on the couch" and with that he walked off into what K-Unit presumed was the kitchen.

No more was said about it after that the conversation had fizzled up and suddenly turned to food, via Eagle.

"Well I don't have anything; don't be expecting me to go to the shop just for guys! You're the ones who turned up all unannounced so you can go yourselves"

That was all Jack said on the matter before locking herself in her room. Alex had said she was just angry because she and Alex had had a fight, and that the only reason she herself had not answered the door to them was because she had gone out earlier due to the fact that they had fought before as well. Needless to say K-Unit hadn't asked anymore on the matter although the same could not be said about the food situation.

Alex had shrugged and suggested they go shopping. He tossed them a wallet from the counter which contained roughly around 40 pound and a list that was written in a feminine script (they were guessing it was Jack's handwriting).

"Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah. WOAH! Hold up here! You're not saying you want us to shopping and get all this crap are you?"Wolf asked shaking the list around wildly like a child demanding candy.

Alex shrugged from his perch on the counter and watched as Wolf begn o fume again.

"Well you don't see me going to get my coat do you?" and with that he made his leave, well he would have done if Wolf hadn't of ran after him and grabbed his arm jerking him back.

"We don't even know our way around here, let alone where your friggin' local shop is. How do you expect us to go and do you weekly shopping?"

Fox gave Alex a reproachful look as if silently begging him to help them, Snake had by now put down his book and too was hoping Alex would come so as to make the whole trip 50 times easier than it would be if he didn't. Wolf would most likely kill someone since he was incapable of performing normal tasks without the use of a gun. Eagle had the mind of 4 year old and would run up and down the aisles with the trolley. Back home everyone was used to this being as they lived there, however to the people who lived around Alex this would seem more than odd.

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This is what lead Alex to standing in front of the local ASDA rubbing his gloved hands together desperately trying to create some friction between them.

The huge neon ASDA sign glowed a bright green, inviting last minute shoppers into the store. People around them were shouting and bustling about. Children, mums and dads, whiney brats demanding sweets and toys and the occasional temper tantrum.

"_Yay_" Alex couldn't help but think, this was seriously the last place he wanted to be right now.

To make things worse he had K-Unit stalking him about. Speaking of them, at the moment they were stood (or in Eagle's case bouncing) behind him wondering what to do). Alex, was guessing anyway, that they didn't do this very often.

"So... Are you going to get a trolley?" he asked Wolf giving him a sideways glance.

Wolf gave him a confused look, before turning to Fox.

"What's one of them?" he asked slowly.

Alex face-palmed himself and then took a deep breath, this was going to be a long night.

After giving a brief explanation to Wolf on what exactly he should be looking for when Alex said the word "trolley" they finally managed to get into the shop.

"Well how should I have known that? We always get one of those basket things!"

"Yeah well it's not that hard surely"

"Why is there so many people here!"

"Oooh, can I have one of them!"

"Eagle no; we're buying food not water guns"

"But, but, but... Ooooh look can I have one of those then? Aww their only £40! Aww Snake come on!"

Needless to say Alex wished he had gone on his own.

"Right we need a turkey, so Eagle you go and get one of those and all the other meat products yeah? Wolf you handle the fruit and veg, Snake can go and get the toiletries Jack asked for, Fox you can deal with other stuff on the list while I get Jacks Christmas present. Are we okay with that? Good meet back here in half an hour" and with that Alex left a very confused looking K-Unit and one handwritten list.

...

"I don't like what I got can we do a swap?" Eagle asked.

Wow everyone left pretty quick.

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Eagle grimaced, and looked down at the torn slip of paper with all the listed meats and how much to get of them. It wasn't like he had a problem with meat or anything; it was just that he wasn't all find of raw meat and smell it made.

He stuffed the list into his pockets and headed off the painted sign that read "meat" in big block green letters feeling so sorry for himself.

Upon arriving at the slaughter section he was met by a rather "large" old lady wearing netting in her grey hair and green apron, which wrapped around her plump form. She didn't look at all pleased when Eagle approached her in fact she scowled at him, which kind of reminded Eagle of Wolf when he had dropped his freshly washed washing into the river on one of their stake outs. Just before he stopped in front of the counter she cracked her knuckles and brought out a knife.

Eagle almost turned on heel and briskly walked off right there. However it was either face this woman or a PMSing Cub when he found out he had been scared of the meat lady.

"What can I do for you?" she asked him gruffly as he reached the counter, her beady blue eyes squinted at him as though sizing him up for chopping.

He said nothing for a moment as he took in the wide range of meat hanging up around him, large carcases of pigs and legs off cows hanging from the ceiling was not what he wanted to see. The smell was vial like rotting corpses (and believe me Eagle _knew_ what that smelt like). He could make out a fridge behind the woman which was filled with what looked like jars of intestines curling around each other, and OH MY GOD did one just _move_.

BANG!

Eagle jerked back suddenly, reaching for his gun which was strapped on his belt under his coat; his eyes wide as he searched for where the noise had emitted form. To his horror he saw the woman slamming a large meat cleaver into a huge chuck of bloody meat, the blood oozing from the meat like a fresh open wound.

Eagle's stomach turned and twisted as he watched her slam the knife back down, watching the grin that spread over her chubby face; eyes lighting with glee. He could almost feel bile rising in his throat as his hand moved to his face, a chocking noise bubbled from his lips.

Hearing this from her homicidal wonderland the woman looked up and grinned at him.

"Ah are we okay now? You seemed a little spacey a minuet ago, I didn't think you wanted anything" she told him while continuing to rip through the meat repeatedly.

With a wary look Eagle aproched again careful not to get to close and loose his fingers.

"E-erm I need to- EEK!"

SLAM.

"E-erm that is errm I need a-"

CHOP.

"A TURKEY!"

She looked up again, giving him a bland look, flinging the clever over her shoulder carelessly.

"Do you now?" she barked.

Eagle stood there blankly shaking slightly, gods she was scary.

"Yes?" it wasn't meant to sound like a question, but hell he was confused, hadn't she just asked him what he needed. He'd just told her and she asking _him_ if he needed it.

"Hmm, a turkey eh? I'm sure I just gave the last one out" she told him rubbing her chin thoughtfully, eyes direction to the ceiling.

Eagle wanted the earth to swallow him up; she was _just_ telling him this. He had been put though all that just for her to say that. God hated him, the world hated him. It had to be because he had done something bad, like the time he had brought a Barbie doll and put it into Wolf's pack, so when the Sergeant went to check through their stuff for the weekly check he found a naked Barbie doll instead. Wolf had been so mad that day, although it had ended badly for him as well, because not only did the whole Unit have to do drills for a week, but the whole of their set had to do the drills as well. That had meant both C-Unit and D-Unit had to go with them. Wolf had got hell over it and had been humiliated in front of his peers.

He shivered in remembrance of it before shaking his head at the woman.

"Are you kidding me!" he yelled slamming his hands down on the counter, forgetting that the woman had a lump mashed up innards placed upon it. Upon contacts his hands mashed into them, covering his fingers in blood and gore.

Silence hung in the air thickly like the knife the plump one had used to mash her meat.

He sharply retracted his hands from the mess as she practically shot him with her eyes. Eagle yelped and began wiping his fingers down his top stupidly not realising that he would only make more of mess. She handed him a towel and glared.

"Yes, I just sold the last turkey. However I do have a lovely chuck of gammon left"

He watched her in fascination for a moment before declaring it sold. Anything to get away from her.

"Do you want it cut for you" she asked him evil grin slithering back across her face, knife raised high.

"NO! That's fine! He cried taking the meat and running as far away as he could.

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Snake had been shopping before; he had been with his parents and such. They would always go to the local market in Scotland (which of course was where he hailed from). It had always been on a Sunday, of every week. His father would drive, while his mother made sure everything was down on the list while adding anything she had forgotten. They would get the meat last as his parents liked it fresh, while the fruit and vegetables would always be brought first. However, while his mother would go and get any "toiletries" as Alex had put it before, he and his father would go and buy the milk and eggs that were sure to be on the list.

In other words, Snake had never brought such things that were written on Jacks list before. Nor did he have any idea what such products look like.

Pads

What the bloody hell were they? Okay calm down, just leave them for now, we'll deal with that later he told himself, eyebrow twitching.

Shampoo and Conditioner

No problem he knew what that was, all he had to do was find the damn stuff now. That was easy; it was on the end of one of the aisle he was walking past. Now which one would she want?

Dear god. Were there really that many?

Dry scalp, Itchy Scalp, Shampoo for dry hair, Shampoo for dull and lifeless hair, Add that magic sparkle to your hair with the frizz go bye-bye shampoo. These were just a few of the many different types that were on the shelf before him.

Needless to say Snake was stumped. He had no idea what Jack wanted all she put was Shampoo and Conditioner. That was it! No mention of type, or brand or colour.

Oh good god he didn't want to upset her, if she got mad again Snake feared something would get broken in the end, and he liked his face as it was.

Okay well woman like nice smelling things, he thought logically, so if he got something that looked and smelt nice then it was okay right?

Picking up the most expensive (not that he noticed), prettiest, and colourful bottle uncapping it slowly, he gave it a quick sniff and immediately pulled it back. It was damn strong and the stench of fruit and a hint of floral crap filled his nose making his eyes water. Dunking it in the spare metal basket he had picked up, he grabbed the matching conditioner bottle and lobbed that in too.

Okay that was done. What was next?

Toliet Rolls.

God that was simple, they were on the last aisle that he had been down.

Turning out of the aisle and rounding the last he picked up a fairly large pack of white toilet rolls and dropped them in next to the shampoo and conditioner. Okay check, what's next?

Body Spray and Body lotion.

What the hell is lotion? He thought, a hint of panic flooding him. Oh god it wasn't one of those womanly things was it? Not one of _those_ things.

Walking up and then back down the womanly products aisle was bad enough, the amount of funny looks he got were bad enough. Woman kept jumping out of the way of him. He must of looked like a pervert for god's sake!

Suddenly a brand jumped out at him as the words "Body lotion" jumped out at him.

The sun was shining all of a sudden in Snakes depressing world, not even glancing at what it was he was picking up he grabbed it and flung it in the basket. Next to the he saw the sprays and dunked two if the purple ones in.

One thing left.

Pads.

What the hell were they? He had never heard of them in his life.

Wait! Oh duh were they those things you put in your shoes so your feet don't hurt when you wear heels now them he had heard of. But he needed to be sure...

A woman in a green jumper caught his eyes as he stood in the middle of the aisle awkwardly.

She was stacking the shelves with boxes of god knows what boredly. She was rather slim with grey hair tied back in a thin pony tail and an assortment of runs gracing her bony fingers.

She looked sort of approachable, maybe.

Walking over she noticed him before he even got to say anything.

"Yes?" she asked voice clipped like a horse whip.

Yeah maybe this wasn't the best of ideas he had ever had.

"Erm, I'm doing some shopping for a friends and I wasn't too sure about something on the list so I was just-"

"Past it here" she snapped grabbing the list from his hands before he could even finish.

"Erm Okay..."

"Pads" she read aloud, very loud, loud enough that everyone on aisle turned around to look at them.

At first Snake didn't mind, after all he had no idea what they were, however after re thinking it over that had to have been one the most embarrassing things that have _ever_ happened to him.

"I think she meant period pads dear" she said again, loudly might I add.

Had it suddenly got hotter in here, or was that just the burning on his face as the blood gushed up to his ears all the ways from his toes?

"E-excuse me?" he couldn't help himself, was she serious? Because he sure as hell hoped not, after all he knew what a "period" was, it had been covered in school and back that all the guys would laugh at the girls and say they were gonna die, being as they were going to bleed for a whole week.

Karma a bitch, there was no denying it...

"You're not deaf are you?" she asked. "You know _period pads_, as in the things that catch blood when a wom-"

"Okay _okay!_ I get it thank you for your time" he yelled over his shoulder as he briskly stalked out of the aisle, woman still practically jumping out of his way to avoid him.

They came In _sizes_!

Was it really that complicated? Was it really necessary? They came in night time types and in day time types! Really? Was this really that needed?

Well Jack hadn't put anything about this down! What was he supposed to do? He was _not_ asking for help again, not after last time. He must have looked so stupid.

Okay he didn't have time for this! Looking down he picked up the biggest pack he could find (again the most expensive) and shoved it viciously into the basket walking as fast as he could out of the aisle and into the main shop.

All he wanted to do now was find Cub and go back to the house. Sod the rest of them they could walk after the trouble he had just gone through.

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Carrots check. Onions check. Peas check. Broccoli, runner beans, potatoes, mushrooms and some other stuff; check.

Yeah this was easy, to be honest he didn't know what he had been so worried about, he had thought shopping would have been a little bit more difficult. It was nice to be doing something so normal after all the gruelling tasks that his Unit and himself had been put through.

While thinking this a smile spread across his face as he reached for the last leek in the plastic box before him.

However as he grabbed it another hand also grabbed the same leek he currently had his own hand on. The vegetable (unknowingly) had just become part of a vicious game of tug of war.

Now Wolf back in the SAS was known for his little patience and temper. Let's say people just didn't upset him, unless they wanted to die of course. So when Wolf looked up to see who had grabbed the skinny vegetable he was shocked to see a blond, fair haired man staring back at him with tranquil blue eyes.

"Excuse me" he said, and Wolf could hear the distinct Russian accent in his voice. "But I believe I had this first"

Now this Russian fellow was small, not tiny, but smaller than Wolf for sure. He was also slim, not big built like Wolf. He looked the sort that ran a lot; he didn't look the sort that lifted weights for a living like Wolf. The thing that pissed Wolf off the most though was the fact that he looked the MI6 sort.

"Really?" he said watching him with a hidden rage pooling in his eyes, he liked a challenge and this guy was the sort that would give him one. After all Wolf had not been trained to lose, he had been trained to win.

"_Take everything in life as a challenge! Am I clear?"_

"_Yes Sir!"_

"Yes so if you don't mind I'll be taking this" the blonde said as he went to pull the vegetable from Wolf's grip. However it didn't budge in the slightest.

"Is there a problem?" he asked short and simple, the calm underlay in his voice hadn't shifted in slightest.

"No" Wolf started; if the guy wanted it play it calm then two could play at that game. "It's just my ward loves leeks, he really wants them or his Christmas dinner, and I think it would be a shame if he didn't get them" he said as sweetly as he could.

Hell he didn't know f Alex liked them or not, neither did he care, because there was no way on this earth he was going to lose.

"I see" the man replied casually. "Well then, please do take it" and with that he walked off, leaving Wolf standing there mouth agape.

"What the _hell_ was _that?_"

So after battling it out for his leek, Wolf began hunting for what Jack had called asparagus on her list. Wolf himself had never heard of such a thing in all his years of being alive and on the face of the planet. Who called a vegetable (well he was hoping it was cause that was the section he was looking in) _asparagus_? From the name he was thinking it was small, grassy looking and maybe had shiny skin and you had to peel it maybe?

As he continued on his "quest" as such, he saw an area he hadn't checked, because unlike some of his teammates _he_ would not admit defeat and ask for help. Walking as casual as a member of the SAS could he found a little old lady trying to reach up to grab one of those plastic bags shops supplied for people to put fruit or vegetables in. So, being the gentleman Wolf was he pulled one off for her and handed it to her.

For some reason she didn't look pleased.

"What on earth do you like your doing young man?" she asked in that way old people often do, raising an eyebrow at him scolding him like a parent would, except she wasn't his mother.

"Erm, well m'am you looked like you were struggling so I ju-" he never even got to finish as she cut him right off.

"Well I wasn't you impudent scallywag!"

Wow, he didn't even know what that meant, so much for trying to be helpful and polite.

"Erm, I'm sorry?" he tried, hoping she would just leave him alone now, socity had gone mad, fighting for vegetable (which he had won by the way), getting yelled at for helping people. Geez no wonder the SAS was needed so badly these days.

"Ohh you will be young man, honestly tying to take advantage of a little old lady like me, it's disgusting what people will try these days"

"I said I was sor-" wait what! Shock boiled over his face, what did the old hag think he had done!

"Honestly, people these days have no manners. Dear lord back in _my_ days you'd have your hands chopped off if you did such a thing like you just tried to pull" she chided.

Wolf stood in horror hoping no one was listening to her, he wanted to crawl under a rock, and dear god she was talking about the "good ol' days" now that could only mean more trouble for him; and how old was she, hands chopped off?

"And that's how we got respect, ohh you wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes, why are you still standing there anyway? Get away with you!" she began howling again.

Well you didn't have to tell Wolf twice, he was out of there like a whippet, screw the asparagus he's deal with Jack's or Alex's bitching later, whichever came first. They could go and deal with pervy old woman if they were so bothered.

God just the fruit left now. Wolf gripped the list and stalked off accidentally knocking over a barrel of Kiwis' in his wake.

God damn it all, he was never going shopping again, he just hoped the others were having a worse a time them him.

* * *

"No I need a small box of washing power"

"Oh no sir, you see our larger boxes are much better a deal"

"I don't _need_ a better deal I need a _small_ box"

"Now please sir calm down, I am only here to help"

"All your helping me with is winding me up! Now all I want is a small box of washing power, lemon scented"

"But sir, can't you see that's not a good value..."

This had all started when Fox couldn't find the washing power. So, like a normal, not Wolf, person would do he asked where it was. At first he had thought the guy was simple enough, quiet polite, he'd even called him "sir". However upon showing he had suggested Fox purchase the larger sizes box for a better deal. Fox had thought he was simple being helpful, as staff are expected to be; and so he had shown the same politeness he had and told him it was okay, and that he only needed a small box.

Well, the man wasn't having any of it.

"I already told you, I don't need a deal, my friend just wants a small box!"

"Please sir, calm down"

"I don't _need_ to calm down! I just want to get the washing powder"

"And I am here to help you"

"You've helped quite enough thank you"

Fox wanted to punch the guy, he really did god knows how long they had stood there running round in circles. It seemed _far_ longer than it should have been, but the guy wasn't budging with his argument. However he couldn't cause a scene in such a place, MI6 wouldn't be happy, and that was the trouble with being a part of their organization, even in everyday things like this you had to think about the affect it could have on your job.

"Are you sure I cannot convince you sir" he called as Fix decided that was it and he was going to walk away from this (after grabbing the _smaller_ box of lemon scented washing powder.

He didn't even bother responding to that.

He'd been doing well so far, all things considering. He list wasn't as long as Wolf's and was slightly longer than Snake's. Though he felt for Eagle, the poor things didn't like raw meat and the smell apparently made him sick, or so he had said; out of everyone though Alex had had the easiest things to do, buying a gift.

He rolled his eyes as he thought about it; Alex had dumped the whole shopping thing on them after all, smart, quick thinking there he praised as he scribbled "washing powder" off his list. So he had:

Bleach

Washing up liquid

Air freshener

And a bottle of disinfectant

No problem, he thought to himself, it was all on the next aisle. Well he was hoping so as the sign read "Household Cleaning Products". Maybe the air freshener wouldn't be but the rest sure had to be right?

He was in luck, as he trailed down the aisle he found what he was looking for, the bleach was next to the washing up liquid. He smiled as he thought if Wolf hollering down the aisles' that he could find a damn thing he was looking for, waving his arms like a mad man yelling and screaming at everyone.

Actually, scratch that he didn't want to have to be there when Wolf was signing restraining orders. Even so he had to have been doing better than him right now.

Just as he turned to grab one of the bottles of the washing up liquid he found there wasn't any left. He blinked once twice and then a third time.

"No matter there's got to some more in another brand" he said to himself crouching down to look.

"You're kidding me?" there wasn't any in any of the other brands either...

Okay well, he'd just have to ask someone, again. Not exactly what he wanted to be doing after last time, but he dint have much choice.

Turning to get up he saw someone who obviously worked there (well if the bright green jacket was anything to go by).

He smiled and walked over ready to ask when he realised someone had got there before him.

"Look mate I'm not being funny, yeah, but I need to get some, cause the pots ain't gonna wash themselves are they?" the man talking to the guy he was going to ask yelled.

The poor guy in green looked panicked as thought he had no idea what to do, what made it worse was that no one was helping him while he was being verbally abused.

"Well have you g-got a washing ma-machine at all if you then yo-"

"No pal I ain't! Which is why I friggin' need washing up liquid!"

Sighing Fox went over, yes he was mad that they didn't have any either but there was no need to take it out on the staff; they wouldn't be able to make some magically appear for you.

He tapped the guy yelling on the shoulder, and as he turned round smiled.

"Look I need some too you know, but yelling at him isn't gonna do anything about it" he told him calmly.

The guy looked shocked for a second before grumbling under his breath; well at least he hadn't punched him, which he had been prepared for by the way.

"Yeah well, he hasn't exactly been all that helpful" he snarled back in response, Fox could tell he was getting worked up again, oh well only one way to deal with this.

He grabbed the man's arm and smiled in that innocent kind of way that said "I'm a nice guy, except when I'm angry, so don't fuck with me". He then grabbed a wallet like object out of his pocket and flipped it open holding in front of the mans face so he could see it.

"Look _pal_, I'm from MI6 so if you don't wanna end up in the cell for a night (cause I can do that you know), for all kinds of nasty charges (cause I can have that arranged too) I'd shut up and leave comprendre**(1)**?"

The man froze, staring at the wallet with Fox's ID in, then looked at his face and nodded slowly, taking it in most likely. He murmured an apology and swiftly walked away, basket in hand.

The poor guy who had been taking the abuse looked in shock.

"Oh god, were you being serious?" he asked mouth hanging agape.

Fox blinked realising he had just been thinking about this sort of things and how making a scene was bad and all, and now he had just gone and done that.

"Haha, no" he laughed. "That was just my driving license, funny he fell for it thought didn't he? Now you wouldn't happen to have any washing up liquid out back would you?" Yep that's it Fox move the conversation along; don't let him think about it for too long.

"Ah, yeah you said you needed some too" he said snapping right back to attention. "Well, there might be some... I'll go look just don't tell anyone okay?" he asked nervously.

"Nah, we're cool" he grinned.

Well in the end it wasn't such a bad thing, he got what he wanted and did his good deed for the day. Not bad at all. Now all that was left was to find the others, wherever they might be...

* * *

Alex glanced down at his wrist; it had been half an hour easily. He had got what he had wanted.

He had got Jack a cookbook entitled "How To Cook For Dummies" as a joke. Of course for her proper present he had brought something much better, a locket of some sort shaped in a heart that had looked nice (and expensive). He had heard her complaining about not having a decent picture of Alex and her. Alex thought they had plenty; his uncle had always made sure of that. So he had brought along a picture to go in this necklace. They had told him when he had gone before that they could do that sort of thing, of course all you had to do was supply the picture and they (somehow) made it fit inside with some funky machine.

The picture itself was really nice (in his opinion). It was of all three of them, Jack, him and his uncle. It was the last picture they had taken together on the lat holiday they had been on. It was back n France, his uncle had told him that they hadn't been in a while and Alex's French needed a refresh, so where better to go than France itself. They were sitting on a wall at the time and Ian had gotten a fellow tourist to take the picture. He remembered not smiling properly for it, so his uncle had grinned and lightly pocked him in a spot where he knew Alex was ticklish. As soon as he made contact with the area Alex had broke out in a grin. That's when the tourist snapped the picture, all of them smiling at the camera.

He smiled at the memory and now down at the locket, he hoped she liked it. He really hoped so.

Now all that was left to do was find his damn Unit, they had just better be there.

He trailed back down the DVD section spotting the James Bond collection, he couldn't help but laugh. That man made it look so easy, dodging bullets and flipping cars over (yet still surviving).

As he turned into the main stretch down the middle of the store he saw the dysfunctional Unit standing there looking so out of place amongst everyone else. They just looked so awkward carrying around baskets (after all Wolf had said there was no need to push around trolleys seeing as they were all going their separate ways to get things).

For a moment he thought of leaving them there, but the thought quickly left him as he imagined Wolf storming through the door yelling and screaming (not that they knew their way about, but they most likely had Blunt on speed dial in case anyone tried to kill him).

Of course he didn't have to go over because Eagle spotted him before he could, he waved his hands about and genuinely caused a scene; babbling about having had a bad time with some psycho meat woman. He looked pretty scare das well, but there again it was Eagle...

"Where have you been?" Wolf hissed gruffly, basket by his side arms folded.

Alex lifted his arms up to show them the book and box containing the necklace.

"Shopping" he told them simply.

"Right of course" Wolf murmured quietly.

"That will be 104 pounds please" the cashier said once all the items were scanned though.

"WHAT!" Wolf yelled dropping one of the bags to the floor in shock.

"Oh no" Eagle whined pulling a face at Fox. "We don't have the much money on us..."

Wolf whirred round angrily and glared at the rest of them.

"What the hell did you buy?" he demanded, eyes hovering over Eagle for the longest.

"You can pay some by cash and some by card if any of you have a card on you" the cashier told them with a smile.

For some reason Wolf looked at Alex with a hopeful expression. He raised a blond eyebrow at him sceptically.

"Why are you looking at _me_? Do I look like I own plastic?"

Wolf grumbled and looked to the others who shook their heads (some faster than others *cough Eagle cough*).

"Hey your meant to be looking after me right?" Alex injected harshly. "So cough up Wolf this is part of your job right?"

Wolf glared and found himself taking out his wallet begrudgingly.

Brats were so hard to deal with these days. What happened to when you could just leave them in the backyard with a mud puddle and they'd stay there all day without getting bored... Or had that just been him?

* * *

**(1)** - French for Understand.

Part 2 - well not too bad it's got a few mistakes.. But, but thats only because I wanted to get this up tonight.

Dreamcloud.


End file.
